


In the Springtime

by hallelujah99



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-15
Updated: 2016-04-25
Packaged: 2018-05-26 23:06:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6259750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hallelujah99/pseuds/hallelujah99
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While Clarke is stuck at home from Spring Break, she decides to casually hang out with the cute girl she just met. But when Lexa tells Clarke what she really wants from her, Clarke realizes she might be in for just a little more than she bargained for.</p><p>Eventually she realizes she's in for a whole lot more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Day They Met

The bell rings, signaling the end of the school day and the beginning of spring break. Clarke gathers the things she needed out of her locker and met up with Raven. “Are we still on for frozen yogurt?” she asks. “Yeah, of course!” “Okay cool, also, can you drive us because my mom got in an accident yesterday so she’s using my car.” “Yeah, that’s no problem. Is she alright?” Raven asked, a worried look crossing her face. “Yeah, she’s fine, its just the car. Mostly I’m just pissed because now I literally have nothing to do all break.” “Yeah, that’s gonna suck.” The girls got to Raven’s car and drove to their favorite frozen yogurt place.

After they grab their treats, they head out to the nearby path that ran alongside a lake. They sit at the last open picnic table, most of them taken up by families with young children.  
“It’s so nice for March” Clarke remarks as she overlooks the lake, a gentle breeze blowing her blonde hair back. “I know, right?” replies Octavia. “What time do you leave tomorrow?” Clarke asks. Raven is flying to see her grandparents in Florida, Octavia had already left to visit Bellamy at college in California, and Clarke was stuck at home, with no car, with her mother. “Like 3 in the afternoon.” “Do you wanna sleep at my house tonight?” Clarke offers. “Yeah, if my mom says it’s alright.” “Cool. And after that, I can just hang out with Abby and watch my life go by.”  
“Hey, your mom is awesome. I’d rather spend the week with her than my grandparents. I’d rather spend the week with her than most people.” “Oh my god, Rae, stop being weird about my mom!” “I’m not being weird!” Raven protests, but a smile hints that she was purposely pressing Clarke’s buttons a little bit. “You’ll find something to do. You could draw or something.” Clarke shrugged. She did like to draw, but hadn’t in the seven months since her dad’s passing. Raven didn’t realize she had hit a sore spot. 

 

Raven looks up and saw a boy and a girl around their age standing a few yards away, eating frozen yogurt as well. They clearly had the same plan as Raven and Clarke, only they were late and all the tables had been taken. “Hey!” she called out, always friendly, sometimes overly so. “we have room at our table if you guys need a place to sit.” The girl looked tentatively at the boy who smiled and replied “Thank you so much!” They made their way over and the boy sat next to Clarke, the girl next to Raven. “I’m Lincoln” he said, shaking their hands. “Lexa” the girl said, nodding politely. Clarke and Raven introduced themselves as well, and the group started polite conversation. Lexa and Lincoln attend Trikru High School, not far from Arkadia High, where Raven and Clarke went. They discussed Octavia’s aunt Indra, who was the principal of Trikru high. “I can’t believe you’re scared of Indra, I mean she’s got a tough exterior but she’s really just the nicest lady, and she makes the best Christmas cookies.” “Yeah I’ll be sure to ask her for some the next time I end up in her office.” Lincoln joked. “Oh we got ourselves a bad ass over here?!” Raven asked. “Okay , okay,” Lincoln explains “I’ve been there three times this year, and one time was just a misunderstanding.” “And the other two?” “Well one time some senior guy was harassing a freshman girl. He deserved to be punched.” Clarke knows that Raven wants to say that girls don’t need a man to save them, but is too curious to continue the conversation to mention it, but she’s sure she’ll come back to it. “And the other time?” Lincoln shrugs “Everyone texts in class. I just got unlucky.” “What about you, Lexa?” Clarke asked, attempting to include the mostly quiet girl in the conversation. “I’ve never really been in trouble.” She remarks quietly, before staring into her melting frozen yogurt. Clarke is at a loss. She wants to talk to the girl, she has a kind of magnetic beauty but she seems pretty reserved. “Speaking of Octavia we should snap her!” Raven says, pulling out her phone and holding it out to get herself holding up her yogurt and Clarke and Lincoln in the background, smiling and giving thumbs up. “Do you wanna get in there too, Lexa?” Raven offers. Lexa leans over so that her face is just within the frame, and gives a slight smile, her first of the day. Raven takes the picture, sends it to Octavia, Clarke, and posts it on her story. “Hey, can you guys add me?” Lincoln asks, offering Clarke his phone. She adds him, and is surprised when Lexa also silently hands Clarke her phone, open to the “Add Friends” option in Snapchat. Clarke enters her name and passes the phones to Raven. Clarke figures Lexa is the type to just go on Snapchat to watch stories, never snap anyone, observing life instead of participating. 

“Oh my god” Raven said while smiling at her phone. “What?” Clarke asks. Raven quickly shows her phone to Clarke, long enough for her to see a snap from Octavia, a picture of her face, eyes open wide, with the caption “That boy is (fire emojis)” The girls giggle. “Hey what’s the secret?” Lincoln asks. “Oh our friend Octavia is just…she’s a character.” “Is this her on your story with the stack of candy on her tongue?” he asks, referring to a picture taken before school that morning. “Yeah, that’s her.” “She’s kinda cute.” He remarks smiling, while continuing to look through Raven’s snap story. Clarke and Raven make eye contact and smiling while trying not to giggle. Lexa notices and as Clarkes gaze shifts to her she smiles knowingly as well. Perhaps living observationally has its perks. 

“So do you two have any spring beak plans?” Clarke asks. “Just helping my dad around the house. We’re fixing it up and hoping to move somewhere nicer soon.” Lincoln replies. “I don’t really.” Lexa adds. Lexa checks the time and says “I should actually get going back and Lincoln was my ride here.” “Really Lexa? Come on it’s not even 5 pm on a Friday, you can afford to sit here a little while longer, come on.” Lincoln pleads. Lexa looks at her phone again. “No, my mom gets off at 5, I need to go home.” “Alright” Lincoln concedes. “It was great meeting you two” he smiles. “We should hang out again. Maybe you can teach me how to get on Indra’s good side” he winks. “Maybe Octavia will join us sometime, too. I’m sure she could help you out with that.” “I’d like that for sure.” He replies, his smile a little too excited. “It was nice to meet you.” Lexa said politely to Raven and Clarke, smiling as she met Clarke’s eyes. 

After Lincoln and Lexa left, Raven and Clarke sat together a while longer before heading back to Clarke’s house. The two had been friends for about two years, both had drifted away from their previous groups of friends and came together, while also joining with Octavia and by extension, her friends, Jasper, Monty, and a few others, but Clarke only felt close to Raven and Octavia. They ordered pizza and talked briefly to Clarke’s mom, while Raven resisted making subtle flirty comments to just scare Clarke. 

After watching a movie, they head up to Clarke’s room. Clarke watches as Raven struggles to make it up the stairs with her permanently injured leg, but she keeps her distance, Raven would ask if she ever needed help. Raven borrows some pajamas of Clarke’s and the two settle into her bed. They gossip about some drama in their school, discuss female representation in the media, their favorite breakfast foods, before drifting to the pair they had met earlier that day. “We should hang out with them again soon. They seemed pretty awesome. Plus, couldn’t you totally see Lincoln and Octavia together?” “Definitely” Clarke agreed. “What did you think about Lexa?” Raven asked. Clarke stared at her ceiling for a few seconds before inhaling and saying, with a calculated carefulness “She was intriguing.” “Intriguing?” Raven was confused. “Like, she like…I don’t know…like she’s the type of person people are just drawn to. Like she was so quiet but you could tell there was so much more there. I just want to know what she’s hiding, you know?” Raven considered it a moment before nodding “I see what you mean. I mean, I didn’t get that about her, but I understand what you’re saying.” Clarke was slightly surprised, she actually thought she couldn’t be alone in her interest in Lexa. Maybe Raven was just too absorbed in something else to notice. “But I mean, I gotta say, she was definitely hot.” Raven added. Clarke faked a laugh, then quickly willed herself to have the courage to say what she had been wanting to say. “Rae do you…do you like girls? It’s okay if you do, I just can’t tell if you’re kidding when you say those things so I just kinda wonder…” Raven replied “I mean I would say I’m mostly straight. Like, if the right person came along and they were a girl, that’s cool, but ultimately I’d say I’m pretty much straight, I’m just human and notice when people are attractive. Clarke nodded, she could feel her heart beating in her chest, and was suddenly over aware of her own breathing. “Raven…” “Yeah?” Clarke didn’t say anything. “What?” Clarke could feel her palms sweating. “What, Clarke?” Clarke looked into Raven’s eyes, silently pleading with her to just know without her having to say. “Raven” she said again. “Yes?” she looked harder into Raven’s eyes. Clarke remained quiet a few seconds more before saying “You already know.” Raven started to nod. “I guess I do. Shit.” “What?” Clarke asked, unreasonably terrified. “I never thought about it before but, that’s fine. Doesn’t change anything. How long have you known?” “I guess like a year maybe. I don’t know. I always did but I didn’t…know until like a year ago.” “Who else knows?” asked Raven. “No one I guess.” Raven smiled and hugged Clarke into her. “I’m fucking honored.” Clarke smiled but still felt a sense of anxiety. “Wait” Raven said pulling back, is it guys and girls or just girls?” “Guys and girls” Clarke said. She felt a sense of pride washing over her as she finally started to speak her truth out loud. “Anyone right now?” Clarke shook her head, though a certain brunette did come to mind, it was too soon to say anything. At this point it was just attraction. “Okay. Well then I’ll give you your mission for this week. Get a crush. And Auntie Raven will make it happen when she gets back from the old people’s settlement, alright?” “Alright” Clarke agreed while Raven squealed and pulled Clarke closer to her.


	2. The Day Before Everything Happened

Raven left the next morning and Clarke spent a few hours on Tumblr, reblogging a few posts to celebrate bi pride. Abby softly knocked on her door before coming in. Clarke quickly exited out of the page. “Want to go grocery shopping then maybe pick out some new warm weather clothes?” she asked. Clarke had noticed Abby making attempts to get closer to her in the past couple of weeks. She figured it had something to do with her impending empty-nest. Clarke subconsciously frowned as she realized her mother’s nest will be emptier than most. Clarke nodded. “I’ll be down in a few minutes.” Abby smiled and left Clarke to get ready. Clarke didn’t particularly feel like going shopping but she figured she might as well go, she didn’t have anything better to do all week, and she wouldn’t pass up the opportunity for some new clothes, especially when her mother is buying them for her.  
After coming home with two new pairs of shorts, several new tank tops, and a crop top Clarke was nervous to ask for but Abby agreed to without argument, Clarke took her border collie mix, Domino, on a walk. She took him to a nearby park and let him run around, chasing squirrels. She pulled out her phone and opened a few snaps from Octavia and Raven before taking a video of Domino running around happily. “First day of spring break, at least the dog is having a good time” she captions the video. As she starts to send it, she sees Lincolns name under the New Friends section-and Lexa’s name too. She quickly selects Lincoln’s name and hovers over Lexa’s name before giving herself a quick kick of courage to press select and send. 

She looks up to see Domino and another recently arrived dog sniffing each other’s butts before the two quickly started running and playing together. “If only it were that easy” she thinks to herself. “Why does it matter? Maybe I’ll be friends with her, maybe I won’t. Friends isn’t all I want. Maybe. I don’t know. Maybe I’m not even bi. Maybe I just like boys. Maybe I just like girls. Oh god. What the fuck am I doing.” Clarke shakes herself out of her teenage daze. She feels her phone vibrate and her heart jumps. “It’s Lexa.” “No its not. She’s not even gonna respond at all” she mentally replied to her own self. 

After she calmed down from her momentary surge of joy she looked at her phone and her heart took off. It was indeed Lexa’s reply. Clarke mentally prepared herself. She felt like she was about to look at something important. This mysterious girl had looked at her snap, deemed it worth responding to, picked something worth taking a picture of, maybe written something, and sent it to Clarke. Clarke opened it, it was a picture of a fat orange cat, looking rather grumpily straight at the camera. The caption read “This one is not so happy :P” Clarke wanted to screenshot it, but knew that would look weird. She stared at the picture for all 10 seconds, taking everything in, the red couch the cat was perched on, the grandfather clock in the background, the use of “:P” in favor of an emoji. It didn’t escape her that she was being grossly cliché in her teenage crush. She didn’t have room to care, though, she needed to find a good reply. 

She looked around. She shouldn’t send another picture of Domino. She tries a nearby tree but it looks dull. She tries her front facing camera and immediately decides against it. She eventually settles on her shoes, crossing her toes and taking several pictures before finding one that looked cute and casual. She considered applying a filter but decided it would be weird for the second snap. Now for the caption. “Aww cute kitty!”? No, that’s boring. “What about you, how’s your break?” No, too forward, that’s weird. “Aww what’s the kitty’s name?” Clarke stared at the message. That was a dumb response but she sent it because she couldn’t come up with anything else and feared Lexa might stop responding if she took to long to respond. 

Thankfully her response came a minute later, as Clarke started to walk back home. “Oliver. And your dog?” came her response, the background picture another picture of Oliver, this time up close of the cat laying on the couch. Clarke told Domino to sit and took several pictures of him before she got one that satisfied her, his tongue hanging out and him looking more or less at the camera. “Domino.” She types. She tries to think of something to add to continue the conversation. She could ask how old the cat was but no one really cared about that sort of thing. So she went with the classic “what are you up to?” 

The response came, a picture of a television set, sitting on top of a TV stand with a few picture frames visible on the wall behind it. “Watching Grey’s Anatomy, you?” “Just walking Domino” she replies, with another picture of her dog. She wants to say something else to continue the conversation. She likes talking to Lexa (she REALLY likes it. She can’t remember ever being so excited just snapchatting someone) but she wants to see if Lexa will continue the conversation on her own.

She tries to hold back from hoping, but three long minutes she feels the small buzz in her hand and beams. The caption reads “Doing anything else fun tonight? Tomorrow?” But the caption is not what get Clarke’s attention. The background is Lexa’s face. Her actual face. Her hair is on top of her head in a messy bun, she’s wearing glasses, she doesn’t appear to be wearing makeup and she has a very slight, but very genuine looking smile. Clarke can’t believe it. Can’t believe Lexa was making a real attempt to continue talking to Clarke, especially after her silence the previous day. Can’t believe this girl can look so effortlessly amazing. Can’t believe that, according to the unspoken rules of Snapchat, she now needs to respond with a picture of her own face. She’s still about five minutes from home, and adding on the amount of time it would take her to fix her hair and makeup, she can’t wait that long. She holds the camera up, does her best to look casual but cute and happy without looking manic. On her third picture she decides she looks good enough, if she uses the caption bar to cover the zit on her chin. “Cooking dinner with mom tonight, nothing tomorrow, you?” she says. She wishes she had something more exciting to report, she’s not even sure she’s cooking with her mother, but she had to say something. “Just hanging with mom too” came Lexa’s reply, along with a picture of a middle-aged woman in an armchair who was clearly oblivious to her picture being taken. A second Snapchat came in. Another picture of Lexa’s face, her eyes rolled, the caption “Pretty much my whole week tbh” Clarke nearly squealed looking at Lexa’s face. How can she be so freaking cute?  
Clarke arrived at her house and snapped a quick picture of her unaware mother as she sat at the kitchen table looking over some bills. “I’m right there with you.” She replied. The two continued snapchatting for hours. They talk about TV shows, music, the dinners they were eating, favorite and least favorite foods. A few hours into their conversation Clarke mentioned that she had bought new clothes earlier. “Ooh show me?” came Lexa’s reply, a picture of her face, eyebrows raised, excited. Clarke picked through the bag of clothing. Should she set the clothes on the bed or did Lexa want her to model them? She decided to be brave and put on her new shorts and after some internal debate, the crop top. She positioned herself in her floor-length mirror, trying to find her best angle. Should she include her face? How do you take a full body picture for someone else looking as cute as possible while not looking overtly flirty? She eventually got a picture she liked, and sent it captioning it “I feel cute in this.” She worried it sounded weird. She wished Octavia and Raven were there to advise her on what to say but this was all happening too fast. She sent the picture and kept her Snapchat app open, constantly refreshing it. Lexa opened the message almost immediately, but it took an agonizing six minutes for her to respond. When she finally did, it was a picture of a tile floor with the caption “You definitely have a right to :)” Clarke panicked. That was good right? It was agreement, but was she just being polite? Although she had used the modifier “definitely” so that was a good sign, right? But how the hell does she respond? She couldn’t take it anymore. Feeling guilty as hell, she left Lexa’s snap unanswered and called Raven, who didn’t pick up. She called Octavia, who picked up on the second ring. “Hey, O. What’s up, are you busy right now?” “No, I’m just in the hotel, mom and Brian are in the hot tub. Why what’s up?” “Okay, well, actually, I’ve got like a million things to tell you, but right now I need to know how to respond to this Snapchat I just got.”  
“Alright, what is it?” Clarke took a deep breath before continuing “So I’m talking to this…someone who I don’t know, I just met but like I feel something, and I sent a picture of myself in a new outfit with the caption “I feel cute in this” and she said…they said…’You definitely have every right to.’ Like what do I say?” Clarke’s heart was in her throat as her had trembled. This was not the way she had wanted to come out to Octavia. There was a slight pause before Octavia said “Okay so there’s definitely a few things we’re gonna have to come back to, but for right now, I think you should definitely acknowledge what she said, send a face picture, smiling, captioned ‘thank you’ and then compliment something about her, like her smile or something.” Clarke groaned, “No, no, I can’t, that’s too forward.” “Look Clarke, you can’t move anywhere if you don’t go forward.” “Ugh, fine, I have to go, it’s already been too long.” Clarke said before hanging up to snap Lexa back. She took Octavia’s advice, but takes a small step back, changing “smile” to “glasses”, felt it was safe enough and pressed send, before receiving the inevitable texts from Octavia.

Octopus Bake: So were you just planning to wait forever to tell me? Who is this girl? Also….GIRL?!?!? Like its all good but wuuuuuuuut I didn’t know! Why didn’t you tell me?  
Octopus Blake: Does Raven know?  
Octopus Blake: I mean, when I really think about it, it makes sense but  
Octopus Blake: I can’t believe you just came out to me like that

Clarke sighed. 

Clarkeyyyy: I know, I know. Look I’ll explain everything when you want. It’s all happening really fast. I just told Rae last night. But she doesn’t know about the girl, so you’re even. 

Octopus Bake: So what’d the girl say? 

Clarkeyyyy: Nothing yet…

Octopus Bake: Let me know when she does <3 

Clarke changed out of the new clothes and into her pajamas. She went to the bathroom, brushed her teeth and washed her face, her eyes fixed on her phone, waiting for it to light up. She says goodnight to her mother, pulls up Netflix on her laptop and lays in bed, holding her phone in her hand, waiting for it to buzz. Finally, a full 41 minutes after she sent her message, she gets a response. Any building anger she felt towards Lexa for leaving her hanging instantly vanished when her name appeared on the screen. Clarke felt like she might faint when she opened the message. It was a stack of colorful boxes of girl scout cookies, captioned “I love girls(cout cookies)” “Lol wait seriously though?” Clarke responded, her laptop as the background picture. “Umm obviously?” came Lexa’s response, along with a picture of her face, her mouth stuffed with several thin mint cookies. 

Ignoring the double entendre the girl was pulling, Clarke closed her eyes and considered everything. She had been snapchatting Lexa, who she barely knew, for about six hours, more or less non stop. Nothing had really been explicitly flirty, it was pretty much getting to know you questions and light conversation, but the fact they were talking so much was a good sign. Clarke texted Octavia to update her on Lexa’s response. She then decided to take a chance in her response to Lexa. “You’re so much more talkative here than yesterday” She sends, before adding “I like it though” Lexa types her response in the messaging section “I’m better when I can type what I want to say. It’s hard for me to talk when there’s a bunch of people around. I did want to talk to you though, and get to know you. I’m glad I have been.” Clarke could feel her heart melt inside her chest. “That’s alright,” she typed back “I’ve enjoyed this too. You’re really fun to talk to” “So, no plans tomorrow?” Lexa asked. “Nope. Just stuck at home.” Clarke replied. “Same here…” came Lexa’s reply. Was that supposed to be a hint? Clarke looked at the time. It was late. She knew where she’d been wanting this conversation to go all night, and if she didn’t do it now, she might not get to. “Want to hang out then?” she types and sends before she can change her mind. “That sounds amazing :)” Lexa replied. “Same picnic bench? And how’s noon work?” “I’ll see you there.” The two continued to talk until Clarke couldn’t keep her eyes open a second longer.


	3. The Day Things Started

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Hope you enjoy this (much longer) chapter. As the title suggests, this is where things are really gonna get started.

Clarke woke up around 9, and the first thing she did was check her phone. She wondered if it would seem over eager to snap Lexa so early. She showered, dried her hair, and got dressed, grabbing more new clothes from shopping the previous day, she changed her mind, grabbed her old favorite outfit, changed her mind a few more times before eventually settling on her first instinct. She checked her phone, but there was still no message from Lexa. She did her makeup carefully, but her phone still didn’t buzz. She grabbed a granola bar for breakfast, though her stomach was fluttering and she wasn’t very hungry. It was a little past 11, and Lexa still hadn’t messaged her. Then again, Clarke reasoned, she hadn’t said anything either. She considered taking a picture of herself, as she looked amazing, but decided she wanted to save it so that Lexa could see her in person first that day. As if it meant anything to her. Clarke took a picture of the view outside her front window, captioning it “Are we still on for today?” Clarke couldn’t help but worry Lexa would stand her up. She didn’t seem mean or inconsiderate, Clarke just felt that maybe…everything seemed too good to be true. 

Lexa replied a few minutes later, a picture of Oliver on a bed (Lexa’s bed?), captioned “Yes! See you at noon :)” Clarke felt a huge sense of relief wash over her, accompanied quickly after by a realization…she was about to go on a maybe-date. With a girl. She looked at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. She had known, without much doubt, for about a year that she was bi. That she was attracted to boys and girls. She was interested in the idea of sex with a boy, she was interested in the idea of having sex with a girl. That she could fall in love with a boy, she could fall in love with a girl. Her heart had always been that way; it just took a while for her to really get in touch with it. And now it was something that she was actually acting on, or almost acting on, or hoping to act on. And it wasn’t like those sleepovers where her friends got close to her and she felt a little excitement. This was real. Maybe. Maybe Lexa was just looking for friendship. Clarke really didn’t have any idea. She sat on top of the closed toilet, and put her head in her hands. She knew what she needed. She grabbed her phone, ignoring, for the first time, Lexa’s new snap, and went to her group message with Octavia and Raven.

“SOS im sorry this is kinda outta the blue but like ahh okay so I’m meeting up with Lexa in like less than an hour and it might be a date and it might not but like its all happening so fast and I’m freaking out, like what if she doesn’t like me like that? AND WHAT IF SHE DOES? Fuckk I don’t even know what I’m looking for right now I’m just freaking out pls help me”

She pressed send without a second thought. She knew her friends could handle her emotional outbursts. She set her phone down and closed her eyes, and focused on breathing slowly and trying to still her fluttering heart and whirling head. She practiced the breathing exercises she had learned with her grief counselor. After several minutes she picked up her phone and responded to Lexa’s snap. Neither of her friends had texted her back yet, but she felt strong enough to carry on. 

It was now 11:30 and she had no idea how long biking to the park would take, since her mom had taken the car to work. She couldn’t even remember the last time she had ridden her bike. She ran out to the garage only to find that both her tires were badly in need of air and she had never actually pumped bike tires herself. In fact, she’s pretty sure the last time she rode her bike, it was her father who had pumped her tires. She allowed herself to remember, before gently moving her mind back to the present moment, as she raced to figure out how to pump her tires up. By the time she figured it out, it was 11:42 and Clarke feared she’d be late. She grabbed her helmet, and left quickly, biking as fast as she possibly could to the park, cursing herself for not leaving earlier, or grabbing water as she was starting to feel parched from the intense exercise. 

She finally arrived at the park and was devastated to see Lexa was nowhere in sight. “Shoulda fucking known.” Clarke said. She dropped her bike on the ground without bothering with the kickstand and sat at the familiar picnic table and pulled out her phone. To her surprise, it was actually only 11:54. She put her head down on the table, giving herself another moment to relax. She was way too stressed. She was just hanging out with a new friend. It wasn’t anything more than that. Maybe. She practiced breathing slowly. She focused on the feeling of the table under her, of the sound of the children playing nearby, the smell of the grass. 

“Clarke?” came the not-yet familiar voice. Clarke looked up, slightly embarrassed. “Lexa!” she replied, smiling and trying not to look nervous. She stood up but quickly sat back down, realizing there was no reason for her to be standing. The only thing she’d have stood for was to hug Lexa, but that probably would have been too familiar. “I was just resting, my mom has my car so I biked here, but I didn’t know how long it would take, so I went really fast and just got a little winded and…yeah.” Clarke spat out nervously. ‘Shit! Calm down!’ she thought to herself. 

Lexa smiled nervously and said “Oh that’s alright! Actually if you want I have…” she reached into a bag she had on her shoulder and pulled out a disposable water bottle “I have some water. If you want.” Clarke beamed. Lexa was visibly nervous in the cutest way. Lexa sat down and put her bag on the table. “My mom actually…I told her I was going to meet a friend in the park and she insisted on packing this. Lexa pulled out two sandwiches, two apples, another bottle of water and a box of girl scout cookies. “We don’t have to eat it now if you don’t want to. Or at all. My mom just, I don’t she likes it when I have friends.” Clarke looked up at Lexa. ‘My mom likes it when I have friends.’ What a strange thing to say. Clarke wasn’t judgmental or put off by the comment though, rather she was very intrigued. She tried not to let the specific use of the word ‘friend’ bother her. 

The girls started eating their sandwiches, which Clarke was glad to do, she needed to recharge. “What does your mom do?” Clarke asked. Lexa hadn’t said much about her mom, and hadn’t mentioned any other family members. “She’s a bank manager. What about yours?” “She’s a pediatrician. She works a lot. It’s just me and her though, so we’re close-ish.” Clarke offered, hoping Lexa would take her cue and share a bit too. “Same here.” She responded. Clarke could tell Lexa wanted to say more but was struggling to come up with words. Clarke waited patiently for her. She’d realized Lexa takes a little longer forming exactly what she wants to say and she respects that. Lexa put her sandwich down and took a big drink of water before she finally said “I wanna try something. I’ve known you for a grand total of less than 48 hours. Raven and Lincoln were there, but you know, we don’t really know any of the same people. And we talked all night last night but…” Lexa clamed up, contemplating continuing with what she wanted to say or abandoning it altogether. Clarke nods, urging her to continue. 

Lexa inhales before starting over with her idea “Okay. Here’s what I’m trying to say. I’ve never…I’ve hardly had any friends, I’ve never had a drop of alcohol, never even seen anyone smoke weed. Never been kissed. Nothing. And I’ve got my reasons, Jesus Christ I have my reasons, but, I want to change that. Or at least some of it. For this week only. My mom is going out of town tomorrow, my grandma fell and she’s going to spend the week with her. And I wanna live. I wanna…this is gonna sound insane but…I want to tell you everything. And you said you’re free all week, right? Can we just hang out and go crazy…not too crazy…but…you know, live it up and everything, and not even worry about the long term? Like I wanna just put it all out there, and if we crash and burn after a few days, we crash and burn, but at least I’ll have lived. For a week. And if that’s weird, no hard feelings. We can be regular friends, or we can just leave each other alone. I just. I’ve been wanting to do this forever, and I feel like this might be my only shot. So…what do you say?”

Clarke stared into Lexa’s eyes for a beat before saying smiling and coyly saying “Go ahead and tell me everything, Lexa Woods.” 

“Go ahead and tell me everything, Lexa Woods.”   
Lexa looked up like maybe she hadn’t been expecting that response from Clarke and maybe she hadn’t meant to say anything she had said at all. “Umm, well I was born on April 16th, 1998-” “Lexa” Clarke cuts her off. “Tell me the real shit. Come on. Want me to go first?” Lexa shook her head.

“Okay. Here. When I was five, my older brother died, he was seven. When I was nine, my little sister died, she was six. When I was thirteen, my other sister died, she was eleven. When I was fifteen my mom had a miscarriage and soon after that my dad left. And I have spent my whole life trying to be a daughter good enough to make up for the four children my mother lost. I grew up watching my siblings die, one by one, because of some genetic condition, that I didn’t get. I’m the second born of five, and I’m the only one alive. I mean I have to be perfect, I have to be. My mom had so many hopes and they have almost all been taken away from her so I just gotta fulfill as many of those hopes as I can, so I do. I’m on the high honor roll, six AP classes this semester, including some online, I’m a swimmer, I got a scholarship to a good college, both athletic and academic, and I’m home every weekend studying and helping my mom around the house. I’m the godamn goody two shoes to end all goody two shoes, not cuz I got a stick up my ass, but because I have four siblings in the ground.” Lexa takes a breath and looks at Clarke. Clarke is staring intently at her, hanging on her every word. “And I’m not here for a therapy session. I know it’s not my job to make everything okay for my mom, blah, blah, no, I’m just telling you what I feel. Got that?” Clarke nodded, anxious to hear what else the brunette had to say. “Alright. What else. Um. Everyone thinks I love swimming and I hate it but you already know why I do it anyway. I love taking pictures, but it’s only because I’m terrified I’ll lose my memory. I once had a yeast infection for three weeks but I was too embarrassed to tell my mom.” She smiles, indicating she threw that in there to try to liven up her speech. Clarke smiles back at her and says “Same here but a UTI.” Lexa laughed. 

“There’s something else” she adds, trying to keep the tone casual but she was showing signs of nervousness. “Yeah?” Clarke encouraged. “I’ve known I’m gay since I was…like eleven. But I can’t be. Like, if there were four other kids, sure why not throw in a gay one, but with the whole situation, I can’t just be like ‘hey mom, your one surviving kid is gay,’ I mean I’m sure she’d still love me I just don’t want to put her through that.” She looks up at Clarke and continues “So if you thought that’s what I wanted…well you’re not wrong I guess, but it’s also not something I can really do. I’m not trying to label us for this week, I just want this week to be what it is. 

Clarke nodded, but could feel the disappointment evident on her face. She wasn’t sure what to make of what she had said, any of it, but she was especially unsure how to feel about the last part. Lexa had admitted some sort of attraction to her while simultaneously shutting down any hope of anything happening. Anything after this week apparently. 

“So what do you think of all of that?” Lexa asked, intently, her intent gaze and excited energy unrecognizable from the girl Clarke had met just two days prior. “Sounds like a plan.” Clarke smiled. Lexa looked slightly frustrated. “Clarke. How do you feel about what I said about the fact that I’m gay and attracted to you but I can’t do anything after this week?” Clarke shrugged “Whatever happens is fine.” Lexa stood up and shook her head. “You don’t understand. Okay? I’m talking to you. I’m not telling you a single lie, alright? I’m not putting on the mask I’ve worn every day of my life, I’m not even gonna restrain myself for social convention, okay? I just told you everything and I don’t want you to brush anything off.” Lexa knelt on the bench, leaned over, grabbing Clarke’s wrists, pushed her face closer to Clarke’s than socially appropriate and said sternly. “Be fucking honest with me. Be totally authentic, be fucking raw. I know this is crazy and if you don’t want to do it, if you can’t do that, then you don’t have to. But don’t say you will if you won’t.” 

Clarke looked up at Lexa. “Okay…” she said, clearly nervous. Lexa shook her head “Don’t be nervous. There’s no consequence beyond this Saturday.” Clarke nodded. “Okay, the truth is, I was freaking out all day yesterday, from the first snap you sent me. I’ve been attracted to you since two days ago, here at this picnic table, and when we were talking yesterday, I got the idea that you liked me and I liked you too, I was like a giddy school girl. And I felt like maybe today was a date but I thought I could also be totally wrong. So I guess I feel like both happy that you do like me, but sort of disappointed that nothing else is gonna happen after this week. And that’s how I feel.” 

Lexa nodded and responded “Now you’re getting the idea. I felt the same way I guess. Only difference being that I was hoping you’d agree to this date, yes it’s a date, I’ve decided, if you agree…” Clarke nodded. “Okay, good, I was hoping you’d agree to this date so that I could say all this to you and hoping you’d agree. But it’s gotta be fair, so you gotta tell me your backstory like I told you mine.” 

“I know.” Clarke responded. “But, just to be totally honest, there’s just something else I wanna do first, if that’s alright.” “I’m down for anything.” Lexa replied, kissing Clarke’s cheek, dangerously close to her mouth. 

Clarke hopped up from the bench, grabbing the remnants of her meal and tossing them in the nearby trashcan before grabbing Lexa’s hand and dragging her through the park, and through the parking lot. “What about your bike?” Lexa asked. Clarke smiled “I’ll take my chances.”

Lexa smiled and laughed as did Clarke, their first small act of recklessness (apart from the brutal honesty and self revelation) filling them with the rush they were now both set on seeking. The bigger rush, though, came from being hand in hand. The small act was sending chills to Clarke’s spine, and she felt as though she might never let go of this girl’s hand. 

“Put the bag in your car, we can walk where I want to go.” Clarke said. Lexa steered them toward her car. It was a tight squeeze between cars and Clarke attempted to drop Lexa’s hand for ease of access, but Lexa turned to her “Don’t drop it if you don’t want to.” Clarke held on. Lexa dropped the bag in her car and Clarke looked at her perfectly clean car. She imagined taking a small road trip with her, cluttering the car with fast food wrappers. 

“Where are we off to?” Lexa asked, smile wide, eyes bright. Clarke put a finger over her lips. “How long will it take to get there?” “Just like two minutes.” “Tell me a secret on the way” 

Clarke looked at Lexa “Are you normally like this?” “Not a single day in my life, not even kind of, not before today.” “So am I even meeting the real you?” Clarke challenged. “This is the real me for this week. And I guess I feel weird in some ways but I’ve also never felt so real.” Clarke subconsciously rubbed Lexa’s hand. “Alright. Also, I’ve cheated on almost every math test this year.” Clarke offered. “I know you have better secrets than that.”

Clarke smiled back at Lexa. “Let me get something out of the way first, then I’ll tell you everything.” Lexa shrugged. “Alright.” 

The two walk in silence for a second before Lexa blurts out “You’re really pretty. And hot. You’re hot.” The fact she was fighting against her social filter was obvious in her voice but Clarke was impressed at her blunt honesty. “You’re really beautiful and super fucking hot too. Also, you telling me that like that was probably one of the hottest things I’ve ever experienced.” Lexa blushed but fought through her embarrassment. “I hoped so.”

Clarke suddenly pulled Lexa into a building. It was a seven story commercial building, home to a dentist office, more than one law office, and other assorted offices. As it was a Sunday, the place was deserted. “What the fuck are we doing here?” Lexa asked, confused. “Patience.” Clarke demanded, leading Lexa to the elevator and pressing the up button. The door opened and the Clarke led Lexa in, pressing the 7 button. They both stood silently while the door closed, the second the elevator started moving up, Clarke grabbed Lexa, and pressed her roughly up against the door. Clarke pressed her face close to Lexa’s, but left space enough so that it was Lexa leaned in to kiss her. 

Clarke had never felt anything like Lexa’s against her. The physical sensation itself was one thing, her lips, soft and gentle, but clearly seeking for more. The emotional rush she felt was another thing entirely. She could feel her whole body tingling, her heart pounding. She wondered for a second if she was dead or hallucinating or drugged. 

She was snapped out of her trance as the door started to open and Lexa broke the kiss to lean forward to avoid falling out of the elevator. Unfortunately, she leaned too hard and ended up pushing Clarke down. Lexa managed to catch herself before she fell on top of her, much to Clarke’s disappointment. “Shit, sorry!” Lexa said, helping her up, before pulling Clarke off the elevator. “So what are we doing here?” Lexa asked, looking around at the very average offices around her. 

“I just always wanted to kiss someone on an elevator” Clarke shrugged. Lexa smiled “I just always wanted to kiss someone, and holy shit.” She nodded, smiling “Definitely a good experience.” Clarke’s eyes widened. “Shit, that was your first kiss. Damn it, I shoulda asked if you had some fantasy yourself.” Lexa shook her head. “Not necessarily. Besides..” she pressed Clarke against the nearby wall “We have plenty of more firsts ahead of us.” Clarke felt her mouth get dry and could do nothing but nod. 

“So do you think any one else is here?” Lexa asked, starting to explore the floor. “I mean there were hardly any cars in the lot, I doubt it.” The girls continued to look around, but there were no signs of life. Lexa eventually picked a spot in the center of the hallway and she sat down, leaning against the wall and stretching her legs out. Clarke sat down across the way from her, stretching out her legs, purposely in contact with Lexa’s. “Ready for my story then? Even though it’s not really anything compared to yours?” “Go ahead” she smiles. 

“Okay well, I don’t know, I should have planned this out, but, I guess, I mean I grew up pretty normal. My grandpa got sent to jail and I learned a few years ago it was because he touched my cousin but we don’t really talk to that side of the family anyway, since they live in Texas. I guess the main thing really is just that my dad got killed in a workplace accident about like seven months ago. And I kinda really went through it by myself because I had grown apart from my friends before it happened. Like I was starting to become friends with Octavia and Raven, who are my best friends now, but like at the time we weren’t as close so it was just kinda…I don’t know. I felt weird going to them for help. And I get really panicky sometimes, but I went to counselor who kinda helped me with that. I used to really love drawing but not as much anymore. Or I’m just not as motivated to. I’ve known I was bi for like a year but talking to you is the first I’ve acted on it. Looking back on it I’ve always been bi. Like I really liked my old friend Noelle and I didn’t understand what was going on but basically I’d get so mad at her every time she talks to a boy you know? And I think that’s probably why we’re not friends anymore. Relationships don’t work when two people want different things. But I mean, I’m over that now. I don’t know what else, there’s nothing really to my tragic backstory. Besides the dad thing.” Clarke shrugged, unable to come up with anything else to add. 

Lexa nodded. “Well that’s a good start. Tell me something else. What are you thinking about?” Clarke shrugged. “I don’t know, nothing worth mentioning. I guess it’s kinda like...I don’t know, we’re in the most random building, I just chose this place because I knew there’d be an elevator.” “Be honest, Clarke, because I’ve never kissed anyone before, really, honestly how was it?” 

Clarke stared straight into Lexa’s eyes. “Really really fucking good. Best I’ve ever had, and I swear on my father’s grave that’s the truth.” “How many people have you kissed?” Lexa questioned. “Five.” Clarke replied. “Tell me about them.”

Clarke sighed and leaned back “Okay first was my friend Wells in seventh grade, we “dated” for like a week and kissed to like prove it to ourselves then we realized we actually didn’t have any feelings for each other, it was just a middle school thing, you know? Then my freshman year boyfriend Finn, then my homecoming date sophomore year, John, some guy at a party, then my friend Raven once, same party actually.” 

Lexa looked dejected “So I’m not the first girl?” Clarke felt her heart ache. “You’re the first gay girl. You’re the first sober girl. You’re the first girl I’ve felt anything for. I mean it’s been what, an hour since we sat down? Look at us. You’re significant. You and me are significant.” Lexa smiled back at Clarke, quiet for once that day. “Say something. Come on, no filtering, what are you thinking?” “I was just thinking; I think this is gonna turn out even better than I hoped.”  

Clarke swung her legs under her and leaned forward, her face once again near Lexa’s. “You ain’t seen nothing yet.” She said coyly. She watched as Lexa’s eyes darted down to her lips, watched as she rocked gently forward to kiss her, before leaning back, too nervous. “You’re gonna get over that, right, Lexa? If you wanna kiss me, just kiss me.” Clarke whispered, still invading Lexa’s personal space. Lexa leaned forward and gently bumped Clarke’s nose with her own, narrowly avoiding kissing her, once again showing her hesitance. Clarke could feel Lexa’s breath against her own mouth, but a few centimeters still separated their lips. “Lexa, if you want something, take it.” Clarke whispered before Lexa captured her lips with a fervor. Lexa grabbed the back of her neck, pressing her closer, while Clarke held the side of her face gently. 

They pulled away, opening their eyes and staring at one another. “Holy shit.” Clarke let out. “Fucking hell that was hot.” Lexa replied. “You’re hot when you swear.” Clarke replied, before Lexa grabbed her again, deepening the kissing and attempting to lay Clarke down on the floor. “Whoa whoa whoa.” Clarke said. Lexa pulled back, confused and terrified she’d done something wrong. “Don’t get me wrong, I want to. I mean, I really want to. And I know we only have a week but it’s only been an hour, it’s just kinda soon for me.” 

Lexa looked confused “Why do you assume I was trying to have sex with you? I was just trying to lay you down” she said, explaining herself, not at all accusatory. Clarke pondered this a moment before replying “I guess, honestly, that’s where it was going in my head. That’s...where my body wanted it to go. But, not yet, alright?” Lexa nodded “Of course. We don’t have to at all. Obviously. Nothing you’re not comfortable with. I’m sorry I overstepped.” “No, no, not at all.” Clarke assured her. “I just wanted to stop it while I still had the chance. I want it to happen, just not yet.” “Understood. Same for me.” Lexa replied before standing up and offering her hand to Clarke. “There’s somewhere I wanna go though. And you’d better think of some better secrets on the way.” “Yes ma’am” Clarke replied, following Lexa’s lead. “I’d follow you anywhere, Lexa” 

Lexa stopped in her tracks and turned around “Why’d you say that?” Clarke shrugged, “I thought it so I said it, no filter, right?” Lexa nodded. “I can tell you’re holding something back.” Lexa twisted her face in thought for a moment before she said “It’s kind of weird what you said, but not nearly as weird as the things I’ve said today, and it made me feel...something.” “Feel what?” Lexa just shrugged. “I’ll let you know if I figure out a word for it.” 

Trying to recover from her embarrassment, Clarke said casually “Where are we off to then?” “Honestly, I haven’t thought everything out. I’m gonna make a list tonight of things I wanna do this week. Are you free all week?” Lexa questioned. “I’m all yours” Clarke replied, mentally cursing herself for saying two things in one minute that sounded all too romantic. This time though, Lexa gave her a smile that melted her insides. “That’s perfect.” She replied. “Also to answer your question, I wanna go to this park near my house, if that’s okay.” “Of course” Clarke replied, kissing Lexa’s cheek before getting off the elevator and heading back to Lexa’s car. 

On the ten minute drive to Lexa’s neighborhood, the two talked about their feelings on school, Clarke told Lexa about her anxiety issues, Lexa told Clarke about her self-esteem issues. Clarke realized at one point it was amazing how freely she was sharing things she struggled to talk to anyone else about, having only ever had such serious conversations with Octavia and Raven, and only after months of friendship. The thought quickly left Clarke’s mind, she was too interested in listening to Lexa. 

Lexa pulled her car into a driveway of a white, one-story house. “Is this your house?” Clarke asked. The house was simple, nothing at all stood out about it, and it struck her that such an extraordinary person was living in such an ordinary place. It struck her too, that this was the house of a family that had suffered unimaginable tragedy. “Yeah, it’s easier to park here then walk to the park.” Clarke got out of the car, somewhat hoping Lexa would invite her into the house so she could see the place Lexa had spent most of her life, but she decided to let Lexa take the lead, she seemed excited to get to the park, despite the fact they had just left another park. 

The two walked hand in hand down the quiet, shady, street. Clarke stroked Lexa’s hand with her thumb. She committed the feeling to memory, and tried to forget this was only for a week. “So what are doing at this park?” She finally asked. “Okay this is gonna sound dumb, alright?” Clarke nodded, the both of them had said enough dumb things all day. “So the swings and slides and everything at this park, they’re at the bottom of a huge hill, and I’ve always, I don’t know, I’ve always wanted to lay on that hill with someone. I think laying on a hill is kinda a movie cliché but I wanna try it.” Clarke pondered this for a moment before replying “I’m pretty sure the cliché is to lay on a hill while stargazing.” 

Lexa stopped in her tracks for the second time that day. “Shit. You’re right. You’re definitely right.” She turned to Clarke, her confidence having significantly dropped since earlier in the day. “This isn’t…I don’t know. I didn’t plan this well. I just kinda got to the part where I asked you to do this whole thing with me and then it was like a montage of us being super close and getting drunk or whatever. But this, I don’t know, does this feel forced? Is this dumb?” Clarke immediately shook her head.

“It doesn’t feel forced. Rushed, maybe. Like, we’re definitely getting close unnaturally fast, but I get why so I’m giving it my all. And I want to be close to you, and this is the way we have to do this. And it’s not dumb.” She kissed Lexa’s forehead. “Let’s go sit on the hill. We can watch clouds go by instead. And we can come back and stargaze later this week.” 

Lexa smiled, her joy and confidence visibly restored. “Let’s go then” she says before pulling Clarke toward the park. 

The two made their way up the grassy hill, before laying down, a few inches separating them. “I haven’t been to this park in years.” Lexa states. “I used to come here when I was little with my siblings.” Clarke looked silently at Lexa, too uncomfortable to say anything in response. “My brother’s name was Gustus, my sisters were Echo and Ontari.” Lexa looks thoughtful for a moment before continuing. “When was little I didn’t understand why they couldn’t run around with me, it was always just gentle swinging and going down the slide once or twice. I didn’t understand why I could climb around on the equipment with my friends, but with my siblings, everything had to be so slow. And I didn’t know why we went to the hospital all the time but I got really used to it. I had a little bag with coloring books and toys and my Gameboy and everything and I’d just grab it whenever it was time to go to the hospital. It was normal, you know? And now I look back and it’s like, holy shit, my childhood was weird. And I even got jealous of my siblings sometimes, because my parents always gave all the attention to whatever kid was the sickest, you know? They got everything they wanted, they’d eventually stop going to school, they could just lay around all day, play video games, and I had to do chores, do my homework, all that stuff. And I wanted to be sick like them because I didn’t understand. I thought it would be easier. And honestly I felt like maybe my parents would love me more if I was sick.” 

“Well shit.” Clarke responds. “You don’t have to reply to that.” Lexa says. “Just wanted to get it off my chest.” Clarke nods, but adds “Do you still feel like that part might be true?” Lexa mulls the question over before slowly nodding. “Yes.” She replies simply. Clarke expected her to say more, but Lexa remains tight lipped, and Clarke worries she crossed a line. 

“After my dad died…” Clarke starts, before halting, wondering if she can really compare her pain to Lexa’s. Lexa looks back at her, expectantly “Yes?” 

Clarke sighs. “After he died, I just remember thinking I wished it was my mom. And that sounds so horrible, and I knew that. Like I wasn’t trying to think that way, it’s just what I had in my head. I was a lot closer to him I guess. And it was such a fucking shock. I can’t even remember the last thing I said to him, and that really bothers me. And sometimes I just lay in bed and hear his voice, see his face, smell his cologne, feel him hugging me and swinging me around like when I was a little girl. But at the same time, I guess I’m…I’m getting more into the acceptance stage. Sometimes. I still wanna just scream sometimes, but…I’m getting there.” Lexa nodded. 

“Do you wanna keep talking about this or something lighter?” Lexa asks. “Something lighter.” Clarke responds quickly. “Alright. I have a question. You don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to, but…have you had sex?” Lexa asks, her voice confident but her cheeks betraying her embarrassment. 

Clarke laughs before responding “No. I haven’t had a boyfriend since Finn, my freshman year, and that was like three months and sex was never really on the table. Like our parents were pretty strict and we didn’t try too hard to get around it. And I mean I guess if I really wanted to, I could have at a party or something but…no. I haven’t.” 

“How far have you gone then?” Lexa asked tentatively. Clarke draws a breath before answering “Does it matter to you?” Lexa shakes her head quickly. “I’m just curious, but you don’t have to-””-no, its fine.” Clarke assures her. “I gave Finn a few hand jobs. He touched me over the underwear once, but honestly it was like nothing. That’s as far as I’ve gone.” 

“What do you mean it was ‘like nothing’?” Lexa asks. “Like…he missed his target, let’s say.” Clarke explains. The two girls turn their heads towards each other, making eye contact as Lexa smiles, holding back a laugh. “He couldn’t find your…” “Yeah” Lexa bursts out laughing. “How is that possible?” “Hey, come on, we were like fifteen!” Clarke says, while giggling along with Lexa. Lexa continues to laugh, and before Clarke knows it, she spits out the words “Who’s to say you could find it right off the bat?” 

Lexa stops laughing, pushing herself slightly up from the ground in surprise. “Whoa.” Clarke shakes her had. “Pretend it didn’t happen.” She whispers, her face red but smiling. Lexa laughs quietly and nods as she lays back down. There’s a moment of silence before Lexa finally counters “I can find my own no problem; it can’t be that hard.” Clarke covers her face in embarrassment before replying “I definitely couldn’t the first time I tried on myself.” 

At this point both girls were red, laughing in embarrassment with their hands partially obscuring their faces. “Are we doing this? Are we talking about this right now?” Lexa asks through her giggles. “Oh my god. I mean you started it.” Clarke replied. Lexa shook her head, and Clarke added “My friends have talked about it before in front of me but I was too embarrassed to say anything.” “So say something about it now.” Lexa says, finally calmed down from her laughing attack.

It was then Clarke became aware of their proximity. And the fact that they were talking about sexual issues. And that Lexa smelled amazing and looked even better. Her mouth struggled to form words when she wanted to kiss Lexa so much more. So she did, quickly, forcefully. She pulled back, having satisfied her urge, at least enough to continue the conversation. “One time I was getting off and I was wearing a ring and I started bleeding. I’ve never told anyone that.” She confesses. Lexa smiles, responding “One time my mom walked in on me. I mean I was in bed and I was under a blanket but there’s a good chance she knew what was happening.” Clarke burst out laughing. “That’s horrible. Oh my god. Although…one time I was in my room watching porn and it was…kind of loud. But I thought I was home alone. And I wasn’t. I have no idea if she heard me.”

Lexa laughs so hard she clutches her stomach. “Oh my god. That’s awful. I’m sorry but I can’t watch porn. It’s just gross to me. But you do you.” She snickers before adding, “Literally.” Clarke pushes her playfully, saying “Shut up, I don’t even remember the last time I touched myself. It’s been a while” “Really?” Lexa raises her eyebrows. “Yeah? Tell me when.” Clarke shrugs “Maybe like…about a month.” 

“No way! A month?” Lexa exclaims. “Yeah? Why? When did you?” Clarke counters. “Like this morning?” Lexa confesses timidly. “So do you like every day?” Clarke asks, curious and slightly turned on, but trying to push those thoughts (and visuals) from her mind. “Not every day, like…a few times a week.” Lexa says, clearly becoming slightly uncomfortable. 

“It’s okay. I’m pretty sure my friend Raven does every day. It’s cool. You’re in control of your own body.” Clarke reassures her. Lexa nods. She’s becoming silent again, so Clarke decides to up the ante “Are you turned on yet?” she asks, resting her head in her hands, her torso raised up while Lexa lays flat beside her. Lexa closes her eyes to respond “Yep.” Clarke glances down the street towards Lexa’s empty house, silently weighing the options. She searches for the words, until Lexa interrupts her thought process.

“What time is it?” Clarke checks her phone. “It’s almost 4, why?” Lexa opens her eyes. “My mom said she’d be home a little before 5.” Clarke nodded, understanding that Lexa was saying their time today was nearing an end. “Should I drive you back to the other park and see if your bike is still there?” Lexa asks as she stands up, before grabbing Clarke’s hand to help her up. “Yeah.” Clarke replies, not missing the fact that Lexa dropped her hand as soon as she was standing. 

The two walk in silence, Lexa’s face stoic. “Tell me something, Lexa.” Clarke tries, Lexa’s face remains unchanged, she stays silent. “No social filter. Come on.” Clarke prods her. Lexa stops walking. “Tomorrow, okay?” she says simply, reminding Clarke for the first time of the girl she had met while eating frozen yogurt, instead of the fun new companion she had found. The girls get into Lexa’s car; the whole ride is silent. They arrive back at the park, and by some stroke of luck, Clarke’ bike remains untouched. 

“Well, I guess this is goodbye for today…I’ll see you tomorrow?” Clarke says tentatively, unsure what to do with the uncomfortable silence. Lexa avoided eye contact before meeting her eyes to Clarke’s again. “I’m sorry I’m changing. I’ll see you tomorrow, provided that’s what you still want.” She softens for a second “I know I’m acting differently right now. I won’t be tomorrow.” Clarke nods. “I look forward to tomorrow then.” She says with a smile. She rubs Lexa’s arm gently, but Lexa doesn’t respond. Clarke ignores the urge to kiss her. It isn’t as difficult as it was before. 

“See ya.” Clarke says. “See ya” Lexa responds with a polite smile before turning to walk back to her car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leaving kudos and comments would make my day! :)


	4. Just You and Me, Getting High and Hanging Out

Clarke gets home and considers all the strange events of the day. She wonders what exactly she and Lexa would be getting themselves into over the following week. If anything would even happen at all. And what would happen after the week was over. She flops down on the couch and flicks on the TV, staring at it as she attempted to sort out everything that had happened. She felt so different around Lexa. She wasn’t as reserved as the other girl typically was, but she still didn’t go around spilling out all her thoughts and feelings and secrets. Lexa made it easier than anyone else, yet Clarke still felt nervous and unsure if she really ought to continue. And what about the other things? What all did Lexa want to do? Clarke wasn’t a huge partier, but she had been to the occasional party and gotten drunk, and had gotten stoned a few times with her friends while Raven’s parents were out of town. She was fine to drink and smoke weed, but what if Lexa wanted to do more? Clarke wasn’t sure popping pills was worth it for one week of fun. And how was she supposed to get weed or alcohol in the first place?

Clarke rubs her temples, and tries to decide between messaging Lexa that she didn’t want to do any of it and texting Raven to ask her where she can get some stuff. 

She’s eventually snapped out of her haze by Domino, gently nipping at her feet, his way of saying he needed to go outside. Clarke takes him on a walk, leaving her phone in the house in hopes separation from it will calm her down. After a few minutes she worries Lexa may have snapped her, and she’s anxious to get back and check. She realizes with that fact that after only a day she’s in way too deep with this girl to turn back. This girl with the irresistible lips, the magnetic energy, closed off from the world but ready to open herself to it for one week. And she chose Clarke to be her partner. For the one week. Clarke frowns to herself as she thinks about what she had hoped. Her hope was that Lexa and her would get close, become…well, girlfriends. Clarke wanted her for a girlfriend. And Lexa, in the same breath she admitted liking her, told her that could never really happen. But Clarke figured she’d take what she could get with her. Maybe in another life they’d get more than just one week.

When Clarke gets home after a long walk, she’s excited to see that Lexa had in fact messaged her on Snapchat, asking for her phone number. Clarke laughed as she realized they had traded life secrets but not phone numbers. She sends it to Lexa and gets a text a few minutes later. 

Unknown Number: Hey, it’s Lexa. I made a bucket list for this week if you wanna see it?

Clarke replies that she’d love to, and Lexa quickly sends her the list.

Lexa: -Get drunk  
-Smoke weed  
-Flash my tits to the cars on the highway from the bridge going over it  
-Tag something  
-Adderall?  
-Anything else you/we can think of 

Clarke stares dumbfounded at her phone before replying

Clarke: -sounds good  
-sounds really good  
-that’s oddly specific but why not  
-wouldn’t have thought of that but alright  
-I’m honestly not sure  
-I’m sure we can think of some things 

She hesitates before adding a winky face to her last line. 

Clarke looks up as her mother entered the house, subconsciously pulling her phone into her chest to conceal it. “How was work?” she asks casually. “Oh, you know, just another day” her mother responds. “How was your day? I hope you didn’t just sit around all day.”

Clarke almost laughs at the idea that her idea had been lazy or boring at all. It had been one of the craziest days of her life in fact. “It was good. I took a bike ride actually.” Abby smiles “That’s awesome to hear. I’m going to go lay down for a bit, but I’ll make some dinner soon.” 

“It’s alright mom, I can make us dinner.” Clarke offers. She doesn’t usually, but she’s feeling inspired by Lexa’s devotion to being a good daughter, and although Lexa certainly takes it too far, Clarke figures she can afford to make some more effort in that department. 

After dinner and a movie on the couch with her mom, Clarke climbs into bed. She’s been texting Lexa all night, and at one point her mom asked her who it was that was making her smile so much at her phone. She considered simply replying “This girl I met.” She knew her mom probably wouldn’t have any type of a problem with her being bi, it just wasn’t a conversation she wanted to have just yet. 

At any rate, texting Lexa makes her feel giddy in a way she hasn’t ever felt before. She scrolls through their messages throughout the night, they had discussed their mothers, their dinners, and made plans to meet up the following morning. Lexa had sent Clarke a picture of herself at age 3, big bows in her hair, a fancy purple dress and matching shoes. Clarke had stared at that picture, the innocence and unabashed joy on her face. The same brown curls and big green eyes. Clarke wondered exactly how the journey was made from this happy little girl to the confused, quiet girl with a wild side about to burst out of her for just a week. Of course, she hadn’t said any of this. She had sent her a picture of herself around the same age, her blonde hair in braids, proudly holding up a pumpkin she had decorated for Halloween. 

She then realized that she needed to start sorting out the things she needed if her and Lexa were gonna pull of their crazy week. Her fingers danced over the keyboard of her phone before she finally, after several attempts, came up with something to text Raven.

Clarkeyyyy: So I’m hanging out with that girl Lexa this week and I was wondering like where do you get your weed and alcohol and stuff? Cuz we wanna do some stuff.

Queen Raven: You and Lexa wanna do some stuff? Niiiiiiiiice ;)

Clarkeyyyy: Shut up, answer the question :P

Queen Raven: Fuck her right in the pussy, that’s my answer

Clarkeyyyy: I’m serious, Raven

Queen Raven: You and Lexa are getting serious? Shit, do I need to get a bridesmaid dress?

Clarkeyyyy: I’m gonna kill you

Queen Raven: Find Kyle Wick, we’re friends on facebook. He’s cool, I usually buy from him. But you are required to tell me EVERYTHING that goes down.

Clarkeyyyy: I will. I’m going to sleep now, love you.

Queen Raven: Love you. 

Usually Clarke would have already texted both Octavia and Raven about what was happening, relying on their help to analyze everything she was feeling and experiencing, but now everything was happening too fast, and beside that, Clarke felt some sense of…sacredness regarding the issue. Regarding everything about Lexa. Like whatever they had or were to have between them was too precious to put words to. Or maybe just too confusing. 

Lexa had fallen asleep before Clarke had finished texting Raven. Her mother had already left for her grandmother’s house, leaving Lexa behind because her grandmother’s dementia had made her forget who Lexa was and made her untrusting of anyone she didn’t know. Lexa was on her own, finally free to be the person she wanted to be. For a week. She would be at Clarke’s house in less than 8 hours, Clarke realized. They didn’t have any specific plans for the day, but Clarke’s mother would be at work until at least 9, giving them all day to…do something. Clarke struggled to fall asleep. She couldn’t tell if she was more nervous or excited for the following day. She set an alarm for 9:30 and after what felt like forever, finally fell asleep.

When she woke up to her alarm, the realization of what was to come hit Clarke like a truck before she even had the chance to silence her blaring phone. She kicked herself for only giving herself half an hour to get ready. She rolled out of bed and put on another new outfit, still in the shopping bag, thankful that at least one thing could be easily decided. 

She swiftly did her makeup and ran downstairs and cracked a few eggs into a bowl, beating them and adding milk before she hears the doorbell ring. “Shit!” she looks at the clock, it’s exactly 10 o’clock. She runs to the front door, opening it quickly before she brushes her hair back in an attempt to appear more composed than she feels. 

“Hey” Lexa smiles uncomfortably. “Your house is really nice.” she says, clearly attempting to fill the silence. “Thanks.” Clarke replies. The silence lingered before Clarke finally got her wits about her. “Oh shit, sorry, please come in.” she says, moving aside to let Lexa enter. “I was just making French toast if you wanted some?” Lexa smiles “My favorite. Of course.” 

“I know it’s your favorite” Clarke says before subtly winking at her. Lexa’s mouth opens a little, but it was clear she was holding some words back. “No filter?” Clarke said, eyebrows raised. Lexa smiled. “You’re really good at flirting.” She giggles before adding “Hashtag no filter” Clarke laughed along with Lexa. 

Clarke grabbed Lexa and kissed her quickly. It was rushed, Lexa barely had a chance to kiss her back before Clarke pulled away smiling, grabbing Lexa’s hand to lead her to the kitchen. 

“Can I ask you a dumb question?” Lexa asked as she took in her surroundings. “No such thing!” Clarke countered. “At what point does kissing stop making you feel dizzy?” Clarke turned around, pressing against Lexa for another kiss, longer and deeper this time, she felt Lexa’s arms wrap around her waist and squeeze her in. 

When they pulled away, Clarke says “Hasn’t yet” with a wink, before turning to pull Lexa into the kitchen. 

After they ate breakfast and Clarke cleared the dishes, they sat silently across the table from each other before Clarke speaks up “So what are we doing today?” Lexa smiles uncomfortably before shrugging. “What time does your mom get back?”

“Usually around 7. Why? Do you want me not to tell her we’re hanging out? I could just say we’re friends.” Lexa cocks an eyebrow before responding “Isn’t that what we are?”

Clarke looks down at her hands nervously before responding. “Right. I just meant like…she won’t suspect we’re up to anything. You don’t have to meet her if you don’t want to though.”

Lexa shrugs. “I guess I’m not sure who I would be. Quiet, reserved Lexa, or wild child, limited edition Lexa.” Clarke smiles “Both are good. Spare her the dirty details of anything we get into and it’ll be fine.”

Lexa swallowed at Clarke’s implication and stared back silently before Clarke finally spoke up. “Well if you don’t have any ideas how about we go about getting some weed and alcohol.” 

Lexa’s nodded and a smile rose to her face. Clarke grabbed her phone and sat back down to message the boy Raven had referred her to. Lexa got up and leaned over her shoulder to read the messages as the two worked out the logistics of their transaction. Clarke looked up to see her face, bright and beaming and her eyes wide. 

“You’re so excited by this!” Clarke laughs. “I’m just talking to him, nothing’s even happened.” 

“Clarke. This is my one week, and I will drink in every moment.” Lexa says pointedly. 

“Yeah?” Clarke asks as she stands up. She grabs Lexa’s hand and excitedly starts bouncing and yelling “Do you wanna go buy some weed?” Lexa laughs and bounces with her “Let’s go buy some weed!” she yells and laughs. “Let’s get some fucking marijuana!” 

Clarke laughs as her and Lexa continue to do an awkward pseudo-dance in her kitchen. “Should we buy some joints and smoke them and get high?” “Yes!” Lexa yells. They laugh and push each other around until eventually Clarke pushes Lexa up against the counter. 

“Anything you wanna do before we head out?” Clarke asks. Lexa looks down at Clarke’s lips before admitting “I think I like it more when you do it first.” Clarke smiles “So you’re a bottom then?” Lexa bites her lip before nodding. “That works out well.” Lexa lets out a breath that is almost a moan and Clarke continues to tease her, holding her face close but not quite going for it. “Please?” Lexa lets out. 

Clarke finally closes the distance quickly, passionately. She intends it to be quick kiss, but it’s not, her hands move from the counter to Lexa’s back, Lexa’s hands slowly drop to Clarke’s ass, and Clarke brings her hands around to Lexa’s chest. Clarke moves her lips across Lexa’s jaw, and down her neck. She kisses and sucks down the side of her neck until she heard Lexa’s breath hitch, and focused on sucking that spot as Lexa moaned softly but unabashedly. 

When Clarke eventually pulls back, she looks into Lexa’s eyes, observing how beautiful the green of her eyes were, how dilated her pupils were. Lexa is short of breath but smiling at Clarke like she had just uncovered something precious and incredible. Clarke herself feels a tightening of her chest and can almost feel herself shaking. 

She’s snapped out of her haze when she catches sight of the dark red mark on Lexa’s neck. “Was a hickey on your bucket list?” Clarke asked, thumbing over the spot. “Should have been.” Lexa remarks. Ignoring the rush that comment gave her, Clarke laughs “Lexa, it is so obvious. It’s so freaking visible. I hope you’ve got really good concealer.” Lexa shrugs “I don’t. I mean it will be gone by the end of the week, right?” her face looks suddenly panicked as she repeats “Right?” 

“Mostly, yeah. But to be safe that should be about it for neck hickeys.” Clarke responds, making sure to emphasize the word “neck.” The look on Lexa’s face lets her know Lexa got the implication. 

“Ready to go pick up then?” Clarke asks. Lexa nods and follows Clarke towards the door. 

As they put their shoes on Clarke says “No filter?” “Yeah?” Lexa responds. “I’m like..definitely wet right now.” Clarke admits. She watches Lexa’s face for a reaction. She turns dark red, shakes her head, and covers her face before nodding, her hand still obscuring her face before she nods and squeaks out “Me too.” After a silence Clarke draws out to watch Lexa soak in the discomfort, Clarke grabs her hand “Let’s go get some drugs.”

Lexa smiles and follows her out the door. 

On the ten-minute drive to Wick’s house, Clarke holds Lexa’s hand, occasionally reaching over to kiss her cheek, causing Lexa to laugh and tell Clarke to stop teasing her, which only spurred Clarke on. They blast the stereo and Lexa sings along to a song Clarke had never heard. She makes a mental note of some of the lyrics so she can find it and listen to it on repeat later. 

They pull into an average looking house in a good neighborhood. “This isn’t what I expected.” Lexa says, looking up at the two story house with a small flower garden in front of it.

“What were you thinking? It’d be some shady apartment or something?” Lexa shrugs “I guess.” Clarke cracks a smile “Would have contributed to the bad girl fantasy a little bit, huh?” Lexa laughs before nodding “A little bit I suppose.”

They head up to the house and are greeted by a boy their age, “Hey, you must be Clarke and her friend, I’m Wick.” Clarke smiles and greets him, but does not miss the way Lexa seems to curl back into her shell. 

They walk into the house and Wick says “So how much did you want?” Clarke looks at Lexa, who just shrugs uncomfortably. “Umm…” Clarke starts. 

“First time buying?” Wick asks, still smiling genially. “Um, yeah” Clarke admits. He smiles mischievously before saying “That’s fine. I don’t usually do this, but I actually I just rolled a bunch of joints last night, I could give you each two of those, that’d probably be a good start.” 

Clarke smiles and nods and Lexa follows her lead. “Anything else you wanted?” he asks. “Did you have any alcohol?” Clarke asks. “I actually just got a bottle of Grey Goose last night if that works.” He replies. Clarke looks to Lexa for a sign, but all she gets is another shrug. “That’s good.” 

“Alright, I’ll just grab everything from my room, one second.” Wick disappears around the corner, giving Clarke and Lexa a moment alone.

“You okay?” Clarke asks, gently rubbing Lexa’s shoulder. Lexa nods. “Just…shy.” Clarke smiles. “I forget that you’re supposedly shy around people you just met.” Lexa smiles bashfully. “But I’m special, aren’t I?” Clarke prods. Lexa smiles and nods nervously before Wick reenters. 

“Alright so four 4 joints and a bottle of vodka that’ll be…” he looks up at Clarke for a minute before deciding “40 bucks.” Clarke hears Lexa draw in a breath behind her and she knows she may be getting ripped off, but she figures there’s nothing she can do at this point. She pulls out her wallet and hands two twenties to Wick. 

“Anything else I can do for you two?” he asks. “Do you know where we could get some Adderall?” Lexa asks quietly, the first she had spoken to him. He smiles in response “I do. My friend Alie always has some she’d be happy to sell. It’s nothing to mess around with though. That shit is addictive.” Wick gives Alie’s number to Clarke before the girls head out.

Once they’re back in the car and off of Wick’s street Lexa takes a deep breath and a smile returns to her face. “Well that was exciting. Also, I’ll pay you back, my wallets in the back.” “You don’t have to do that.” Clarke answers honestly. 

After stopping by a drug store to buy a lighter and some water, they drive out of town to a nearby forest. Lexa explained that her cousin Anya regularly hiked into this forest with friends to smoke pot before she’d gone to college. “I always wanted to join her but…you know.” Clarke smiles “Well I hope to make your first time amazing.” Lexa raises her eyebrows “Yeah?” 

“Come on, you know what I meant.” “Oh I know exactly what you meant.” Clarke briefly considers the logistics of fucking on a forest floor before deciding against it. 

They walk a while, hand in hand through the forest, not seeing another person their whole walk. Eventually they found a fallen tree along the path. “This should work” Lexa comments. They sit down and Lexa looks up. Clarke notices way her green eyes match the leaves around them before scolding herself for thinking such weird things. “Some day I want to move to a forested area. I feel so at home in the trees.” Lexa confesses. Clarke smiles “Maybe that’s why your last name is Woods.” “Hmm. Maybe there’s something to that.” 

“Maybe. Who knows. Anyway, wanna lose a little more innocence?” Clarke asks, holding up a joint and the lighter tantalizingly. Lexa swallows before nodding excitedly. “You want me to go first?” Clarke asks, and Lexa nods. 

Lexa watches intently as Clarke takes the joint between her fingers, sets it in between her lips, lights end, and breathes in deeply. She holds it in before blowing the smoke out, pursing her lips. She fights the urge to cough, as she can tell she’s turning Lexa on and doesn’t want to ruin the illusion. 

She turns to Lexa and offers her the joint. “You want it now?” she offers, her voicing only breaking into a cough a little bit. Lexa nods and takes it from her, and Clarke takes a swig of water. “Alright. All you gotta do is breathe as deeply as you can, you want it to get into your lungs, then hold it in for about as long as you can, then blow it out, okay?” Lexa nods. “Alright, it’s gonna burn the first time but it’ll get better after.” 

Lexa puts the joint in her mouth and Clarke lights it for her. Lexa breathes in, her eyes watering up, before she starts coughing profusely. Clarke smiles and hands her the water bottle, which she gladly accepts and drinks from before coughing a little more. “You okay?” Clarke asks, rubbing Lexa’s back. Lexa nods, as she starts coughing just a little more. “You try again. I promise it’ll go better this time.” 

Lexa tries again, Clarke lighting it for her and it does indeed go better. “My heart is beating so fast.” Lexa says. Clarke smiles “I’m pretty sure that’s the experience of smoking weed and not the weed itself.” Lexa blushes before handing the joint back to Clarke. “Mine’s beating fast too.” Clarke admits.

They continue to pass the joint back and forth until they reach the end of it. “Are you feeling it yet?” Clarke asks. Lexa turns to look at Clarke. Her eyes are glazed over, her face is fixed in a dopey grin. She remains silent before she starts giggling and nodding. She grabs Clarke’s hands as she laughs and laughs, and Clarke joins in, holding Lexa and they laughed. “Holy shit! They weren’t fucking kidding!” Lexa exclaims before she bursts out laughing again. “Kidding about what?” Clarke manages to choke out between laughs. “This feels freaking amazing!” Lexa answers. 

They continue talking, droning on about insignificant things, and laughing too hard and nearly nothing. After what feels like forever, they come down from their high, Lexa sitting on the fallen tree and Clarke curled up, head in Lexa’s lap, drifting in and out of sleep. “This was incredible.” Lexa tells her. “We still have 3 joints left. We’re such lightweights.” 

Lexa smiles “We have a few days to use them.” Clarke nods. She’s more tired than anything at this point, and saddened by yet another reminder from Lexa that this was all temporary. Clarke’s eyelids start to flutter and she mumbles “Let me know when you’re good to drive.” “I will.” 

Clarke finds herself in a light sleep, dreaming of running around a forest with Lexa, being chased by some large, black thing. She convulses in her sleep and wakes herself up some time later. She draws in a sharp breath of panic before Lexa reassures her “It’s okay, you’re safe.” Clarke looks up at Lexa’s face from her lap. She manages to look beautiful even from this angle. 

“How long was I asleep?” she asks. Lexa shrugs. “My phone’s dead and yours is in the car, I have no idea what time it is.” Clarke nods sleepily and sits up, leaning her head on Lexa’s shoulders and wrapping her arms around her. They sit there silently, and Clarke thinks that without any sort of clock, her time with Lexa feels almost infinite. Like they could sit there in the forest forever and the rest of the world would just…not matter. She leans up and kisses Lexa’s cheek, Lexa turns her head and hesitates before leaning in to kiss Clarke. They kiss gently for a while. It feels right and beautiful and eternal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from some song by the Front Bottoms (which is all I listen to as I write)
> 
> Kudos/Comments would be amazing :)


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